Slytherins Are Perverts, What About Gryffindors?
by faithwood
Summary: Gryffindors discuss Draco Malfoy's sex life. Humour. SLASH. HPDM. ONESHOT.


**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement intended.  
**Title: **Slytherins Are Perverts, But What About Gryffindors?  
**Pairing: **Harry/Draco

**Author:** Faith Wood  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Word Count: **1000  
**Genre: **Humour  
**Status: **Complete  
**Summary: **Gryffindors discuss Draco Malfoy's sex life.  
**Warnings: **Pervy?

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Slytherins Are Perverts, But What About Gryffindors?

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A few Gryffindors sat on the comfortable armchairs by the fire, discussing a pressing matter.

"His sex life is too porny," Ron said firmly. Both Hermione and Neville nodded. Harry swallowed with difficulty. "You wouldn't believe the things I've heard about him."

Interested, Harry perked up.

Ron leaned in closer to the rest of the Gryffindors and whispered, "I heard Hannah Abbot found him sucking off some guy in a broom cupboard the other day. And guess what? His hands were tied on his back."

Neville gasped, but Hermione looked unperturbed. "Oh that's hardly the worst of it," she said knowingly. "It's nothing compared to what I've seen."

Neville and Ron looked at her with a lot of interest, clearly urging her to continue. Harry was finding it increasingly difficult to keep silent.

Hermione lowered her voice to a mere whisper and said, "Two days ago, while I was making my rounds through the castle, I walked into the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom because I thought I heard some strange noises." Harry made some strange noises presently, but the rest of them were too engrossed into the story to notice, so Hermione continued. "And there was Draco Malfoy, tied to a pillar — with chains! — completely naked!"

Ron and Neville gasped dramatically.

Harry wished he wasn't so hard right now. This was not helping.

"Naked? You didn't, um ... you know, look, did you?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"Of course not!" Hermione said, slightly unconvincingly. "I said I was sorry for interrupting and I left."

"What did he say?" Ron's eyes were wide.

Hermione smirked. "Nothing. He was gagged."

Ron snickered, but Neville looked worried. "Maybe he was in trouble."

"Well, he seemed to be enjoying it." Hermione grinned, blushing.

"You said you didn't look!" Ron burst out.

"Well I couldn't help it, Ron! It was ... well, big."

Harry snickered. Very quietly.

Neville wisely directed the conversation back to Draco Malfoy's sex life. "Well, that's Slytherins, I guess. Wild bunch. Perverts, the lot of them."

Hermione nodded quickly, and Ron scrunched up his face. "Say, you didn't happen to see who was with Malfoy?"

Harry held his breath.

Hermione shook her head. "I have no idea. I didn't see anyone else."

"I'd really like to know who's crazy enough to bugger Malfoy," Ron mused.

"Probably some Slytherin bloke," Neville concluded. "They're wild, I'm telling you."

Ron and Hermione promptly agreed.

Very wild, Harry thought, but he said nothing.

"Well," Hermione began. "If I catch him again, I'll report him. He can't just have sex at every turn. And someone always catches him. Why, this seems to be the only safe room in the — Ron stop making that noise!" Hermione burst out and they all jumped in fright. Harry thought he might have had a heart attack. "Why are you eating anyway?" Hermione scolded.

Ron choked on his Chocolate Frog, looking guilty. "I'm not making noise," he whined. "Besides, it's dinnertime."

Neville nodded, stretching and yawning. "We should go into the Great Hall."

Ron got up at once. "Yes, we should. I hope we won't stumble onto a naked Draco Malfoy along the way," he added, amused.

"Oh no, Ron," Hermione said sternly. "On the contrary, we should check and see if he's hidden naked and bound in a cupboard somewhere. That's our duty." Hermione looked earnest.

Ron scowled and fumed all the way to the hallway, and he had probably continued to do so, but they had closed the common room door behind them, so Harry could no longer hear what they were saying.

Harry sighed in relief and then burst out laughing. Draco Malfoy, who was currently naked and bound, and bent over the back of the sofa in front of Harry, began squirming and mumbling, sounding quite put out.

The mumbling was amusing, but the squirming was threatening to undo Harry, which was hardly a wonder since his cock was firmly embedded into Draco's arse. Harry reached down and pulled Draco upwards, so he could take off the gag that he had placed there just a little awhile ago.

The moment his mouth was free, Draco began cursing violently. "You bloody imbecile! I can't believe you did that!" Draco tried to struggle free, but he was firmly trapped between Harry's body and the sofa. "They could have seen us!"

"Hardly," Harry said smugly. "We are underneath the Invisibility Cloak. They could have heard us. They almost did, but Ron was chewing rather loudly."

"You did this on purpose! I can't believe you," Draco sniffed, stopping his struggles, probably because Harry had twitched his hips a little, breaching Draco deeper.

"I honestly didn't expect they'd come here," Harry assured, though his statement was intercepted with long moans and therefore it might have sounded unconvincing.

"Bloody —" Draco moaned, falling over the back of the sofa again, and eagerly pushing back, "— perverted Gryffindors."

Harry grinned, gripping Draco's hips tighter and slamming inside of him. They both moaned, forgetting about the prying Gryffindors much too fast.

But the entrance to the common room opened again and both Harry and Draco froze, horrified.

Seamus and Parvati walked in, hand in hand.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" Seamus asked.

Parvati batted her eyelashes. "Well, there is something I'd like to put in my mouth."

Harry and Draco choked, but fortunately, so did Seamus.

Parvati pushed Seamus onto a squishy armchair by the fireplace and Harry groaned inwardly. Draco had raised his head a little and threw a murderous glare in Harry's direction, mouthing, "Perverts."

But once Seamus and Parvati began making sounds of their own, Harry shrugged resignedly — apparently, this wasn't their night.

He pressed a finger to his lips, to show a wide-eyed Draco to keep quiet, and then he clenched his teeth and took a deep breath.

And then he began to thrust, rather enjoying himself.

Next time, he thought vaguely, they should do it in the packed Great Hall.

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Fin

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End file.
